She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
