you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
