how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
