Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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