I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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