Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
