Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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