I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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