I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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