I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
