1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
