An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
