We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
