like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize