If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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