Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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