party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
