just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
