She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
