Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
