I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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