when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
