Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
