I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
