If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
