you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
