My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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