I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
