i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
