I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
