yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He did a backflip because drugs
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