the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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