btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
