Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
