The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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