When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
