just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
