seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
