At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
