im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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