You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
