Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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