he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
