I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
