i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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