got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
