May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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