I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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