Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
