You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
