dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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