Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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