btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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