new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
