saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
