Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
