i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
