I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
honey bunches of taint.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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