I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
