You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
