Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
