Umm I'm too high to move.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
