So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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