Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
