shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
