I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
