She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
