Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
