Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
