A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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