I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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