when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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