Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
