there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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