We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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