I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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