I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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