I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we're chasing vodka with high fives
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
