guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
