i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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